Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
