If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
