I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
