I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
