I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
