Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
