Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
