Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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