sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
