he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
