btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
