dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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