Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
