yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
