Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
