She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Too much gin, very little bucket
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.