Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
