Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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