i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars