How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.