I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.