Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
pop tarts are not kleenex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
