Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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