He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
