We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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