Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You are the jesus of drinking
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
