Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
