bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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