I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
