I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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