somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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