I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
