Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
