I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
