I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize