I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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