I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
