i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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