somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
