haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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