The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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