It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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