I cockslap morals
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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