Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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