Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
