It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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