That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
