"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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