All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
