Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
