Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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