Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
