I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
