the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
