My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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