The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize