It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
