my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please don't give away my fajitas
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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