Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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