i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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