Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pants are for mortals
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
