i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
