What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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