how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
