giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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