Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
