i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
