I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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