How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
