I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
