Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
