i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize