for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
