This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
