I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
