Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
