Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
In America we eat man semen.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
