I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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