You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
