no, he came in my armpit
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
