ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
