Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
