Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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