Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
