Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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