Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
