Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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