I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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