one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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