3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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