Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
