chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
