Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
