Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
