I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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