break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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