o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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