The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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