So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
