Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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